• <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Identity Theft:  You have had the identity of “mom’ “dad” as your core identity for a minimum of 20 years.  Then within a moment, your primary role shifts.
• <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Time Warp:  Your life has essentially revolved around your children’s busy life for most of your life.  Now the busyness and fun filled years drift away and you are left in a silent fog.
• <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Quiet Refrigerator:  The years of all the food for each person’s taste and the chip drawer filled and  the special treats each child enjoyed.  Now the refrigerator is almost empty, you don’t like chips and in your confusion, you don’t know what to get at the grocery store.
• <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Melancholy:  You just dropped your last child at home off at college and you are on the long ride back home.  The car seems quiet and the reality of the empty nest is setting in.  Do I cry, or tell myself not to be a neurotic mother, or do I sit in fear and look at my spouse in the car and wonder who he/she is.
• <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Strangers:  Many couples have spent so much time working and involved with their children, as their last child leaves the nest there is an estrangement with their partner.  Who are we, what do we do with no basketball games on the weekends, and homework and tests during the week filling our lives?  Where do we go from here?

The Cure for Empty Nest:

1. <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Proactive not Reactive; to your new life. (Opportunity:  You can experience a sense of power and control in your life)  If you face it straight on and don’t avoid the pain, the confusion, and change.
2. <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Loneliness:  (Opportunity to develop your SELF)  The children are gone, and it is just the two of you.  You are not used to cooking for two, and the telephone is quiet and the house is silent.  It is important to have an animal in your home, play music in the background in your home, be creative.  Make a date with your husband once a week to get out of the house.  Schedule to take a class you have always wanted to take.  Take a long bath and read the books you have been putting off for so long.  Make sure you have a group of friends to support you in this transformation of your life. 
3. <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Crisis or Rebirth:  (Opportunity of SELF EXAMINATION)  This can become a crisis or it can be a glorious time of rebirth.  Make an honest assessment of your life.  Look at your body and your health.  How is your weight?  Are you exercising regularly?  You need to be exercising 5 times a week for 30 minutes.  Check out local places to exercise.  Try something new, like Pilates, Chi gong, Yoga.  In a class you will meet other interesting people.  What about your spirituality?  Have you been interested in another religion or spirituality but never had time to pursue it?  Have you had personal issues you want to address but didn’t have the time?  Get a therapist and enjoy the personal growth.  Many of us have been child, spouse, parent, and have never had time for our SELF and nurturing our self.  This is a time of adventure, discovery and creativity.
4. <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Your Marriage/Partnership:  (Opportunity: This is a time to create a new exciting marriage).   Many marriages are frail or fractured at empty nest.  Plan a vacation to where you have always wanted to go together.  What new roles can you create in your home?  Maybe on of you wants to cook, clean or wash clothes, or share more of the home chores.  Learn what each of you like and dislike; movies, food, programs, vacation spots, sports, spirituality and religion.  You may guidance of a marriage counselor for this new relationship.  Get to know each other all over again.
5. <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Plan:  (Opportunity: Begin an exciting plan for the rest of your life).  How long do you both want to work?  Do you want to go back to school or begin the new career you’ve dreamed of?  Where do you want to move in retirement?  Where do you want to travel?  What will your financial needs be for both of you?
6. <!--[if !supportLists]--> <!--[endif]-->Sex:  (Opportunity: with no children in the house you can play again).  Shower together, watch movies on the couch in sexy clothes and see what happens, wear little around the house and see what happens.  Sex can be the best ever during the empty nest.

Think of it as an excellent chance to rediscover you, your relationship and your future. Enjoy this opportunity and make the most of your "Me" time.

Have a glorious September! 

Blessings,

Dr. Kathleen Hall