Dr. Kathleen Hall

Stress is increasing everywhere in the United States says a national survey released October 23, 2007 by the American Psychological Association.  This new data on stress reveals almost 75% of us, up 59% from last year, find work and money create the greatest stress in our lives.   This new information is clearly telling us what most of us already know, we feel overbooked, overworked and overwhelmed more than ever before.

There is increased stress for most of us during this holiday season for a host of reasons.  Financial stress tops the list.  We need more money during the holidays for celebratory meals, gifts, clothes and travel.  In the old days a doll or a toy would satisfy our children but today our kids want phones, ipods, games and trendy expensive clothing.   For those of you traveling over the holidays, have you seen the cost of gasoline?

Then there is the psychological baggage that can stack up during the holidays.  This season of family and relationships can bring up many emotional issues for us.  Our families can be the source of our original wounding and during the holidays we return to these Petri dishes where conflict can occur.  The responsibilities of the holiday season usually fall on women.  Food, cooking, gifts, scheduling events of the family, children’s activities at the holidays, and decorating often fall on the shoulders of us. 

What can we do to help our holiday stress?  Begin with a holiday plan!

1.       Family Meeting of the Minds: Begin the Holiday season with everyone in the family on the same page.  Set priorities for your family for the season.  Make a list of what the goals of this holiday are for each family member and develop a plan so everyone is communicating and feeling included.  Plan on meeting once a week to develop communication, intimacy and honesty in the family.

2.       Financial Concerns.  At the beginning of the holiday season create a folder for each holiday.  Sit down as a family and make a sheet of paper for each event during that particular holiday.  For example in the Christmas folder have individual sheet of paper for: individuals who get gifts and the estimated cost of each gift, the foods served at each meal and cost associated with each meal, any new family clothing needed for holiday festivities, travel expenses for holiday visits, and any other cost centers.  This creates concrete cost centers that can be deleted or expanded depending upon the budget.  You feel more in control and less overwhelmed with the flood of unexpected expenses after the holiday.   Finances are a source of arguments during the holidays and this helps diffuse this anxiety.

3.       Learn to say YES!  Focus on your family’s priorities this holiday season.  Say yes to these priorities.  Keep your focus on your priority list.

4.       Learn to say NO!  Make choices and say no to the things you do not have the time and energy to do.  If it is not on your priority list say no.

5.       Surrender the notion of the “Perfect Holiday.”  Don’t expect too much.  We are all humans with a lot on our plates.

6.       Shopping.  Sit down with the family and schedule the days and times you will do your shopping at the beginning of the holiday season. This limits everyone from frequently asking when they are going shopping and will help you schedule shopping according to your family’s busy schedule.  This stops the anxiety, arguments and constant questions of “when are we going?”

7.       Tired Kids.  Knowing your children’s daily rhythm is critical.  Schedule activities during your child’s “up” times, not during nap times.  Know what food is available at the mall’s food court, so you are prepared when your child gets hungry and thirsty.  You might want to carry a favorite snack with you in a zip lock bag.  This prevents discord in the family because of one member of the family.

8.       Discover a mini:  When you are waiting in a long line at a store, in a car in heavy traffic or on hold on your telephone, use this as an opportunity for a mini.  A mini is a 1-3 minute quickie.  Take a moment, if you are able, close your eyes (not in traffic), or focus your eyes on something, take several deep diaphragmatic breaths, and repeat a 1-3 word affirmation with each deep breath.  I like to say, “Keep letting go…”  After just a minute or two you feel like a new person with a new sense of energy and clarity.   Many tense moments are caused by simple exhaustion and this mini gives you immediate centeredness.

9.       Enjoy the old, open up to the new:  Respect the age old family traditions, but sometimes they can become stale and boring.  Inject some excitement and creativity with new traditions.

10.      Holiday loneliness: volunteer to help others.  Volunteering allows you to meet new friends.  You may experience a condition we call “helper’s high.”  It is good for the mind, body and soul.